So Why Kentucky? The journey to Kentucky part 1

That is a question I get often

Why Seminary, why Kentucky, why are you moving so far away, why Kentucky, why are you leaving everything you know, and why Kentucky?

Sense this blog is to keep people up to date with my life in Kentucky (once I move there in 20 so days) and with what God is doing and teaching me I thought I should share the why Kentucky and share the journey so far, well what I am willing to share so far and what i feel is necessary to share and what God would have me share, because some of the questions I cannot answer yet, some of the questions I am beginning to see the answer but I do not feel it is time to reveal that.

So....the journey of seminary and Kentucky really started my senior year of college. I started to think of what I wanted to do when I graduated and I knew ministry was where I was called, and I knew women's ministry was where I was called. Actually I knew that I was created to be a wife and mom and that is what I long for but it was not in Gods timing yet so until than what would I do. I knew God had given me the desire to be a wife and mom that is why he created us, but I knew that desire should not be above my desire for God, that he should be my first desire. I also knew that God would give that to me in his timing and until than he would have other plans (trust me it took a lot to get to this point, and a lot to trust that God still had marriage for me even if I did not leave CNu with my MRS degree haha) I started thinking about going to grad school for social work (my major) but my heart was never settled in that idea, I actually got offered a full time social work job but turned it down to take an internship at Bethel Baptist because again social work was not where my heart was anymore. But that is jumping ahead sorry. So seminary became something I thought about, but at the time it was a nice idea, something that wasn't threatening to think about because I knew (thought I knew) it would never happen, so I could think about it because I knew it wasn't a reality. I am glad I did not go right after I graduated, it would not have been the right time, the motive behind it would have been wrong, and I needed this past year to grow and learn, to discover things about myself and For God to work in my heart and change my motives for wanting to go. My senior year I would have applied because of pride, it seemed like the cool thing to do (just being honest) and how sweet would it be to tell people I was going to Seminary, I would seem smart. Praise God he did not let me go than, and that it was just a thought and that he used this year to knock me off my pride horse and change my motives. The day I graduated May 13, 2007 as I was walking after the ceremony w/my dad to get my real diploma my dad looked at me and said you ready for grad school now, I looked at him said let me catch my breath first and if I do go it will not be for social work but it would be seminary.

The summer after I graduated I turned down a full time job to work at Bethel Baptist having no idea what God would do when the summer was over, but knowing God had me there for a reason, and trusting he had a plan for after the summer. I would be interning in the youth group and working with the middle and high school girls. Hanging out, mentoring, planning events, going to camp, teaching Sunday school, and teaching 45min every Wednesday night, I was excited but terrified, it seemed like ministry was becoming a reality in my life. Something I wanted but seemed so far away (I had done small group leading, and Beloved Minsitrys, but now a job in minsitry was happining) Through the summer my passion for the Lord grew and my passion for his people, and his girls grew, I loved what i was doing. BUT I felt so inadequate I felt so unable to do what I did. The one on one teaching I was fine at, the teaching to a larger group and not doing a Bible study format but teaching not so comfortable with. I felt like Moses when God told him to go to Pharaoh and speak to him, Moses felt like his words were not eloquent and not good enough, and so did I. In reality I did not trust that God was big enough and that God would work in and through me, I focused on my own abilities for a while and not Gods. Praise the Lord he showed me this and worked with me on this! That summer I realized ministry was what I wanted in some capacity and working with this age group of girls is what I wanted either volunteer because I was a wife and mom first or as a full time job. But I also knew that I needed better tools, I needed to enhance my theology and learn more, so again I started to think about Seminary. I started to research it, and I began to talk to other people about it, I began to plan and I started to think of how to make it happen. But God knew again that I was not ready. Soon after I started thinking seriously about school a distraction entered my life, I do not see it necessary to go into detail of what that was but if you know me you know the distraction. God is so big, and so good and so powerful. He used this distraction to teach me a lot about myself and life. I started working at the school I graduated from and have spent the last year doing that, which was also a blessing and taught me so much about who I am and where my heart is and where my passion is. I realized I am not happy unless I am serving, and unless I am in ministry, I realized I would do it for free if I could and knowing that helped me to see I really was passionate and my motives weren't selfish anymore. I needed this last year, I needed it before I started school again. As painful as it was I needed it. Has hard as the distraction became and was and how hurtful that was at the time it left I needed it and now I praise God. God showed me and taught me so much.

Somewhere in October and more so in December is when I realized I was no longer happy in Newport News or in VA, I realized God was leading me somewhere else, I realized there was a whole other life for me somewhere and that there were other things waiting for me but I had no idea where, what, how or when, but my heart started longing for this place. God started whispering seminary to my heart and this time I said no, this time I said I want no part, this time I was scared (because I knew it was time, I knew this dream would become a reality, and I just wanted it to stay a dream.). I knew my motives where no longer selfish, I knew there was a real reason for me to be there, even if I was not sure of the reason at the time, I knew God wanted me there which terrified me, I knew this time I didn't want to go I wanted to stay where it was easy, but at the same time I was no longer satisfied with what was easy. When I thought Kellie, seminary wasn't something that came with that thought, maybe some of my friends names and seminary but not me. I fought it for a long time, I fought the idea that VA was not where I was supposed to be. I was confused, and anxious there were 49 other states and so many possibilities if this was not where God wanted me than where the heck did he want me and how was I supposed to know. I started looking for full time ministry jobs around the world but every time I did, God said no, he said not yet, your not ready for that, and that is not my plan. I applied for jobs and researched jobs, places like PA, Canada, over seas, I was grasping for straws trying to find God's plan for me on my own, and I never really told people I was doing this, I thought if I found a job than the whispering of seminary would go away. But a job didn't come and I got more unsettled with being still, being in this place. If you knew me during those months you know my heart was unsettled and I was pretty anxious, I was dealing with a lot of hurt, pain, wounds, and scars, I was ready to let go of a past that was not that so far gone. God was doing something but I wasn't sure what just yet, he was preparing me for Kentucky this whole time (I see that now and believe it with my whole heart, I trust that was what God was doing).....but my small mind and eyes, and heart could not see that yet....but Kentucky is what he had for me, and he was starting to show me that......MORE TO COME LATER